Updates & Questions

• The most reliable and up-to-date source for ruck club events can be found on the Sandlot App. Here is the link directly to the Beast Goddess Ruck Club group.

• I have two ruck events scheduled, but the dates are subject to change as I get my calendar organized post-Sweden.

• I hate facebook, but everyone is there. It can be a place to share fun things and create conversation, so I have shared a couple of things there… Like an invitation for you to challenge yourself with handless burpees. I offer no promises about my consistency there. Or here, for that matter. 😆

• I return June 12! I’m excited to kick off the summer and am drowning under an abundance of dreams I want to breathe into life. Which leads me to my question in the form of a poll…

Now, let’s dive in.

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First, an apology to the silence here. I had huge ambitions to have a weekly ruck blog, but as it turns out, I don’t have an infinite well of energy to create from. My priority has been my main Substack publication, , where I have been sharing a bit about my pilgrimage back to Sweden the last couple of months.

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In truth, leaving the Pacific Northwest at the end of March was incredibly silly. Flowers were blooming, and life was bursting into one of the most beautiful times of year (autumn will always be the first in my heart).

But I had spent almost four years carrying the weight that I needed to return to Sweden to collect my belongings. Now was the time. The whispers were turning into screams. And that kind of weight is not the kind of weight I want to carry. No, I would much prefer a ruck, thank you very much.

At the beginning of April, I finally collected my belongings. I spent some time going through them, getting rid of things that I no longer needed. This included a handmade chicken teapot, and left me suspicious of Past Savannah’s purchasing influences. I also found a pair of sparkly high heels that I had never worn, amongst a variety of other fancy city clothes. All of which were… never worn. Who was I trying to be? And why?

Now nearing the end of May, and what feels like a million evolutions later, I am feeling excited to return “home.” This is the first time ever that I have left the country for such a long amount of time, and felt like I had a home to return to. I have friends. I have a community. I’m not just trying to live in Sweden, and begrudgingly returning to the U.S. because the 90 day limit ran out… being forced to wait another 90 days to return to the Scandinavian life I’d been building.

Since moving to Bellingham, I have had an umbilical cord connecting me to Sweden. That umbilical cord has been woven mostly out of obligation and pressure to return. With a lot of reflection, I have realized that in the process of losing my sense of self to other people with my move to the U.S., I held on to Sweden as my defense mechanism. While pieces of me were stolen away, my Swedish life was the one thing that I felt couldn’t be taken from me.

My art, my writing, my photography — so much of me and my purpose were perceived as threatening to others, and I shrank. But I could keep hold of Sweden and the feeling that people across the ocean knew who I really was. At least, I could someday go back to them.

And so, though I kept trying to make Bellingham work, I never fully committed. I never had two feet in the door. I was always one foot in, one foot out. It negatively impacted my work, my relationships, my friendships, my community, my mental health.

Returning to Sweden was what I needed to do, to cut through the illusion that my life was meant to be here in Europe. I needed to come here to realize that I love who I have grown into in the Pacific Northwest — more than who I was when I lived in Sweden. I have romanticized this past version of myself, yearning for the rose-coloured version of what once was. Sure, there are some things that I miss (specifically my morning coffee ritual that came with more ease while living here), but now I see that it wasn’t about Sweden.

There are a million variables behind why we change, why we hit speed bumps, and what growth looks like.

Before this trip, it felt like failure to accept that I’m not the person that I used to be. Now, I’m becoming more able each day to proudly step into fully accepting the person who I am today.

And in truth, I’m the same person. It’s just that the exterior looks a little different.

I don’t have regular access to 12-hour rucking events run by Swedish rangers, but I do have access to backpacking and split-boarding and mountain biking in expansive mountains. (In fact, MILRUCK is no longer in operations, and it was weird being in Stockholm without rucking to look forward to.)

I still love challenging myself. I still love personal development work. I still cherish authenticity and integrity above all other values. I am still nourished by curiosity and culture and language and food.

This is a returning to all of that, and more.

And, on the note of doing hard things…

Yesterday, I accidentally rode 40km on a vintage ladies’ bike.

Off-road. Without looking at the weather. It rained. I underestimated the distance, the effort required of me… And so on.

The most important reason for fitness is so that you can do questionable activities, and successfully navigate your way out of them without dying.

I’m not as fit as I want to be right now, but I am fit enough to underestimate how hard an adventure is going to be, and commit to completion without a plan B.

Like when I accidentally ran 20km in Stockholm (that story is coming soon). Or times like yesterday, when I accidentally pedaled 40km on a vintage bike.

See, I’m a little naive when it comes to bikes. As someone who is used to hiking and walking everywhere, my understanding of a bike is that it brings ease.

Wheels? Basically that means it’s a car. When you have a bike, kilometres don’t matter. You’re invincible. Because: wheels!

Fortunately I survived, but ignorance also delivered a few rain showers. The Stora Alvaret on Öland is a barren wasteland (actually it’s something to do with cows and agriculture), which means there is no shelter. None. Nada.

So when the rain started to come, I spent my time doing intervals of pedaling away from the clouds as fast as I could, reattaching the chain to the gears and getting grease all over myself, and surrendering to being wet.

The few times I managed to find lone trees, I hopped under them right as the sky opened up and wind started blowing sideways.

It was almost a successfully minimally damp adventure, until the last 3 minutes before getting to the grocery store — at which point the sky truly opened up and I arrived in front of the doors with water pouring down my legs.

Ah well, adventure complete.

I don’t know what I was originally going to do with the evening, but I spent it consuming calories and scrubbing grease out of clothes with dish soap.

People have asked me before why I am so eager to travel (or whatever else) when they hear stories like this, that are not incredibly fun at the time. But the challenges I encounter (or make for myself) are the ones I remember the most.

And the next day, there is a calm satisfaction that can only come after you do a hard thing.

And of course… art was made.

This story will be shared in more depth soon; I’m practicing sharing fragments of stories and photos before they are complete or edited, because 99.9% of what I create no one ever sees. And that just won’t do!

As always, thanks for being here, and looking forward to rucking with you soon! Please feel free to share any ideas, wishes, or whatever your heart desires in the comments.

Always in love,
♥️ Savannah

And if you need to get any updated rucking gear, you can do so here! 😊

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This Week’s Contents

1. This Week’s Event Details (Time & Location)

2. Announcements

3. AAR on Our Last Event

4. Future Events (PST Testing on 15 March ‼️ )

5. Virtual Ruck Challenge

Our Next Event Bellingham Event

9:45 am - 11:15 am | Tuesday, 10 March 2026

📍 Meet at Kulshan CrossFit

Announcements

I’ve been chatting with the team at GORUCK about our ruck club becoming official, and found out today that part of the SOP behind a club is to have a group on their fitness app, Sandlot. I set that up today and will be uploading events there.

You can join that here

Yes, yes… another app. I am figuring out the best SOP for weekly event updates online, and if I can streamline that process into a few simple clicks, that will be ideal. Sandlot seems like a great place to find all your events in one place, with opportunities to earn patches, and other perks.

If you don’t mind having another app… come join the community over there!

Choosing Hard Over Easy

Last week we had our inaugural Bellingham Ruck Club launch. We rucked from Kulshan CrossFit to the stairs at Whatcom Falls Park — totaling about 3.3 miles roundtrip.

Along the way, we filled Nick’s very sad Jansport pack with rocks, played with a log carry, and when we got to the stairs, we did a few sets of weighted runs (up and down). One of the exercises from the MILRUCK Online Bootcamp is 8-count bodybuilder (video below).

It’s been a while since I participated in a ruck event, and leading this exercise reminded me that the most important detail behind rucking is that we are a team. Especially in America, we tend to be very focused on ourselves. During ruck events, the Cadre often leads a count (or instructs the team leader to) — whether it is 1 thru 8 for the bodybuilders, or up and down for more simple movements like squats and push-ups.

Synchronizing the movements of humans as individuals, into one organism is one of the more effective ways to program the brain into a team mindset. We are one. We move together. We work together. We problem solve together. And we stick together — no one gets left behind. And if someone is struggling? The team figures out how to assist in carrying the weight (probably literally).

All of that being said, our first ruck was a great success, and all of us got a sweaty, two-hour workout.

Whether coaching CrossFit, OCR athletes, or life coaching… I love to start with something philosophical. Why are we here? What are we aiming for? What is our end goal? If we are really pushing our limits… what is our “why”?

Answering those questions can help us to keep moving when muscles are sore and stomachs are rumbling.

Our topic this week was a shoutout to , and his philosophy around 2%… Which is that, when given the choice between the stairs or an escalator, only two percent of people take the stairs.

Two percent of people choose to move their body. They choose something that is a little harder for the sake of longevity. They say no thanks to the easy path.

I compared it to our ruck club — our commitment to show up at 4:30 on a Wednesday, when most people are probably heading home to sit on the couch. If the two percent choose to take the stairs, instead of take the escalator… what percentage takes the stairs with a ruck weight?

Coming Up!! PST Testing

We are having our first Physical Standard Test on Sunday, March 15th!!

📍 Meet at Lake Padden — STARTEX at 1 pm

This will be something that we do as a group every quarter, but you are welcome to do whenever you’d like.

PST includes:

• 2 minutes - max push-ups

• 2 minutes - sit-ups

• 2 minutes - max squats

• No time limit - max pull-ups

• 1.5 mile run for time

• Plus a timed lap around Lake Padden (ruck)

Virtual Ruck Training

We are two weeks into the CrossFit Open, with the final workout a few days away. With that being the case, and the PST coming up, today’s challenge is a simple one borrowed from GORUCK’s Tribe workout from 06 March.

“On The Move”

2 mile ruck

Every 1/2 mile:
30 squats
20 4ct mtn climbers
20 situps

50 min time cap

*Wear the ruck throughout if possible; for sit-ups, hold the ruck above your head (arms out straight like a benchpress, into overhead press position as you sit up)

If you do the training, feel free to share your time below!

Have fun and see you soon!
— Savannah

Ever since moving to Bellingham in December 2022, I’ve wanted to start an official GORUCK club. You can always start your own thing, but it makes you feel more important when it’s official… you know? And with importance, comes drive (at least in my brain).

Fortunately, my friend Becky is great at peer pressure and in stepping into the most enthusiastic PR person you can imagine, so with just a little bit of planning, we’ve launched the Beast Goddess Ruck Club into the world.

It’s a reminder to me that you can move fast when you have a passionate team behind you.

As is the non-sensical, non-linear path of my life, I am leaving Bellingham for a couple of months right after this big launch. Becky will be holding down the fort while I’m away, and I’ll continue sharing event updates, weekly challenges, and more — including my international ruck fun!

To the logical person, my departure doesn’t make sense. Bellingham is waking up with the (too early) whispers of spring, but I’m sorry — I must go. And where? Back to Sweden, where my journey with rucking began.

I did my first event in February 2019 — a 12-hour Winter Tough event with MILRUCK. It changed my life, and was a huge step in rebuilding my independence and strength after and during a difficult chapter in my life. But, that’s not this story.

In getting ready to launch with our first event tonight, I’m reminiscing about these ruck events that I loved so much, and seeing the unplanned magic that I am leaving to return to the place where it all began.

And so, a little (long) reflection from another ruck event that I did — a 12-hour Tough event, followed by a 4-hour Brave event. It’s from these events that I’m seeking inspiration for what the Bellingham Ruck Club might eventually be.

If you’re in Bellingham/Whatcom County, I’ll be sharing weekly event announcements and a weekly virtual challenge through this Substack. You can make an account to engage with posts and chats; or you can simply subscribe without an account, as if you’re receiving a newsletter. Welcome!

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I would say thank you for the memories, but as with Winter Tough, if it wasn’t for the sore muscles, it would be naught but a dream. Why is it the memories post-event are so foggy?! Thank goodness for the photographic evidence.

There are not many milestones in my life that come from a place of pride, but the three most influential things in my life have been my introduction to CrossFit 10 years ago, the Milruck Tough* in February, and my CF Level 1 Course a few weeks ago. Each of these things has been a turning point in my life – a reset button, if you will.

Milestones need not be measured by events like marriage, degrees, and death.

These are, after all, extrinsic motivators – driven by external factors. The best milestones are reminders of what matters most, what I’m capable of, & fine-tuning my purpose on this planet. They are a reflection of introspection.

My time with MILRUCK has been short, but I’ve learned so much about myself. I see patterns that echo like ripples in other areas of my life.

From the beginning, I go into MILRUCK events from a place of humility. The entire week before, I have anxiety that beats like the wings of 100 butterflies trapped between my rib cage.

I worry about being “the one” that holds the team back. I worry if I have the right gear. Was my training enough? I have 100 questions, and I want clearly defined answers.

Fortunately, CrossFit prepares you for the unpredictable. And despite my non-committal relationship with the sport of fitness, just as with the Winter Tough, I was a million times stronger than I expected to be for MILRUCK’s Gold Tough + Brave.

But is it humility?

What’s the difference between humility and lack of confidence? Or simply seeing things from the wrong perspective? (Because, after all, our realities are shaped by our minds and limited by how we choose to see the world).

Within a few minutes of STARTEX, those worries and insecurities melt away. The beats of butterfly wings go silent, and instead, I feel the pounding of my heartbeat take over. I’m confident in the preparation I’ve invested in my mind and my body. This is the ultimate test to see where I’m at.

Army crawling through a bridge of people? Don’t mind me while I do some yoga and stretch my hips out.

Life has been chaotic, and so little has been in my control. The last two years have been the most challenging in my life. I worried that demons would surface that would make me crumble. But throughout the night and into the next day, the demons didn’t matter. With how strongly I performed, I realized that as long as I continue to train my body and mind at the highest levels, nothing else matters. I will be prepared for whatever crosses my path. What an empowering realization!

With big hugs, friends have said, “I knew you would make it.” Yes, and so did I. I appreciate the confidence from others, but it doesn’t mean a whole lot, because there was never any question about my making it. “Quit” isn’t in my vocabulary, so the concept of “not making it” is inconceivable. As I’ve developed my self worth, it’s been increasingly clear to me how little others’ perceptions of me means. Other people can think I’m great, or believe in me and see all of my potential; but it means absolutely nothing if I don’t train my mindset to believe in myself.

There is a delicate balance between proving yourself to others, and proving your strength to yourself. It can feel intimidating to recognize that you are stronger than you think, because it forces you into a place of empowered responsibility. You have to “get over yourself,” and actively do something with your strength. It’s easy to hide behind “I’m not good enough,” because it gives you permission to keep playing small. But what about your duty to serve the world?

There is selfishness in playing small out of fear, because someone out there needs you, and you are depriving them of your gifts – whatever those might be.

Pushing your limits in every possible way – these are the moments I live for, where I feel most alive. These are the times when I feel total confidence in my body and mind, and my capabilities as an influential human on this planet. These are the times when my doubt evaporates.

The trick is to apply that confidence to all the other areas of my life, in times when the pressure is not beating down at 100%.

Because I forget. I forget how strong I am. I compare myself to the wrong people, and lose perspective of the hard work I put into my training, nutrition, and lifestyle. My training is other peoples’ extreme. But to avoid the trap of arrogance, I suppose, I see what I’m doing as “average.”

But then again, there is some truth to that. Average is the sum of all the parts. I am only me, so to raise the average, I have to continue to push myself harder and harder. There is no plateau, no finish line. And no matter how hard I push myself, it will still be the average, because I am still only me, and the only competition is myself. At least in this case, “average” does not translate to “mediocre.”

All we need for consistent growth is to be 1% stronger than we were yesterday. Over time, that 1% will move mountains.

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

Each day, you have a choice. That day itself is that choice – every morning when you open your eyes, you’ve been gifted with time. What do you choose to do with that time? “I don’t have time,” is a poor excuse, because time is all you have. The question is how you prioritize people, places, and things.

You can wake up today, and you can continue with the parts of your life that you aren’t happy with, because they feel familiar, they’re “good enough,” and you’ve accepted that that’s just how life is. When we settle, we stop moving. And when we stop moving, it’s easy to shift out of gear and roll backwards.

Alternatively, you can treat each day as a reset button, to consciously make the choice to shake things up and do something different.

It doesn’t have to take a day. It can be a moment. Any hour. Any day. If you really need to change, it might come in the form of a tragic accident that forces you to live your life differently. But do you really want it to get to that point? Personally, I would choose an active choice over forced submission.

My (minimal) experiences with Milruck have shown me that these events are the perfect times to get clear on what you want to be different in your life.

Then – make the decision that from now on:

Things are going to be different.

I would say that this is where freedom lies. But that would make freedom stagnant, and freedom has a pulse. So, more appropriately, this is where freedom ebbs & flows.

Ask yourself – Who do I need to become in order to do X? And then go out and grow into that person.

Sometimes it will suck because change requires the death of what is, to transition into what was, so that you can continue to grow and evolve. In that moment when your old self is taking one last breath, the rebirth is going to feel incredibly painful.

You always have a choice. You always have time. Your reality is exactly what you want it to be. And when you make a commitment to that choice, the Universe will listen… and match that commitment in return.

The last weeks have been a full-on intensive lesson from the Universe around getting clear on the life I want to live, how to serve people, how to show up… and like a magnet, this weekend’s Tough + Brave event with MILRUCK was a powerful tug back to the path I’m meant to be walking. But unlike the Winter Tough, which pulled me from a completely different path and left me wondering, “where the fuck do I go from here?” the Gold Tough was confirmation that I’m moving in the right direction. There have been a few detours, but I didn’t stray too far.

In The Way of the SEAL, Mark Divine says this about his purpose:

“To be a warrior and leader. To master myself so that I can fulfill this purpose as best I can.”

This statement resonates with me, but I’ve held myself back from embodying it. What is a Warrior, and who earns the right to apply such a powerful word to their identity?

A small part of me feels insecure about crying at ENDEX, because a warrior “has the ability to control his/her emotions and actions, regardless of circumstance.” In this case, tears may be a sign of weakness. But if events such as these are part of a dynamic rebirthing process, then tears may instead be symbolic of the rain washing away what was, to make way for what is to come.

My times in Sweden have been challenging, with some significant part of life falling to pieces each time I’m here. Before this summer’s return, I wondered – what is going to fall apart THIS time? But I shifted my mindset to see these “falling aparts” as chapters.

Chapter 1, finding myself.

Chapter 2, finding my community & understanding relationships.

Chapter 3, getting clear on my purpose.

That’s where I’m at this summer; it’s all about purpose.

I’m designing a life in which I can serve as a warrior – mindful of not crossing the lines of respect owed to the true warriors who have earned the Trident, or other significant insignia, and represent The Warrior at the highest level.

The difference between my mindset coming out of Winter Tough and Gold Tough has made me proud this week.

With February’s Winter Tough, I had the profound experience of pushing my limits in a way that I wanted so much more out of my life. I wanted that level of stimulation in every cavity, every day.

I had a new goal – I want to join Swedish military! This was the only way I could imagine pushing my limits. I sought ideas outside of myself – companies or training where I could build my strengths while I wait until I get citizenship and can actually join. But I was looking outside of myself for the answers, and part of me knew that there was some motivation of laziness here. I’ve been tired of running my own business, and wanted someone to tell me what to do.

So there was this void after the Winter Tough, and I didn’t know what the answers were. I didn’t know how to move forward in the direction I suddenly felt so called to.

How could I finally find my purpose, and feel so inspired, and yet… it’s impossible for me to reach?

Interestingly enough, I felt this void in the week prior to the Gold Tough. There was a nagging voice that was wondering – why haven’t I taken the steps to radically change my life in this direction since February?

But after this weekend, I have less of a feeling of a void, and I am reminded that I actually have taken significant steps to move toward this goal. A couple of weeks ago, I earned my CrossFit Level 1 Certificate. I started a coaching business. I got my first clients, and I got clear on how I can truly help people become the best they can possibly be.

Instead of looking outside of myself, hoping that I’ll find an easy solution, I created the solution. It’s a solution that will constantly push me to grow, to experiment, to learn, and to strength myself in every way – so that I can live by example, and help clients to live the ultimate human experience.

Because that’s what this is.

Where we push ourselves past our limits, that is what it means to be human.

On a more physical level, I’m super proud of my performance. I haven’t rucked very much since being back in Stockholm (why is it so difficult to find time to ruck in the city?!), so I wasn’t sure how my body would hold up. I didn’t expect a huge difference in performance from the Winter Tough – and really, how do you compare such different events? – but the most significant improvement was an old injury I had. My knees/hips were unhappy during the winter, and became a problem after only a couple of hours. This was where I met my demons; I took shit-tons of painkillers, and after a couple of hours, I was doing ok. But post-event, my entire body cramped up like crazy, and recovery was fairly slow.

6 months later, I’m excited that my knees only became a concern about 12-13 hours into the Tough. And I kept going at high intensity through Brave, because it wasn’t crippling. That’s some pretty significant progress!

There are so many moments I loved, but I think my absolute favorite time was the last mile of Brave, when we had to carry each other. Appointed dead by Bill, Cadre G immediately resurrected me and pronounced Bill as dead. The team around offered to carry him, and I stubbornly said, “No, I’m going to do this myself. At least, I want to try; I don’t know how long I’ll last.” He jumped up on my back, and I ran ahead. Too fast, because we had to wait for the team, where I did a couple squats with Bill on my back. I kept going, and going, and going… I really surprised myself. Eventually it “weighed” on me (ha..ha..), and we had to switch. We had such awesome flow going back and forth with each other, it felt like such a proud moment. And, it was probably 3 hours into the Brave, and more than 30 hours of being awake… after my knees started bugging me.

I’ve been trying for the last days to summarize my thoughts and feelings, but there’s so much to share. Thank you to MILRUCK for making all of this possible. Thank you to the community. Thank you for the awesome teammates who pushed through the night and day. Congratulations for everyone for such an inspiring performance, to witness and be a part of.

Thank you to Cadres Dennis & Gabriel for crushing us, so we know what we’re capable of withstanding.

Thank you for creating something that has significantly changed my life and helped me to develop my strength and confidence…. and will continue to do so for years to come – not only for myself, but for all others who have the courage to step outside of the box and experience what they are capable of.

Here’s to starting the next year of training to push for GOLD 2020!

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